What true womanly strength looks like

I am blessed to be around men who value what godly manhood looks like.  I am also blessed to be around their wives who display true godly womanhood.  My wife displays these qualities of a strong and godly woman...for that, I am very blessed.

I also see in the culture we live in, both secular and Christian, terrible examples of godly womanhood and a huge misunderstanding of what it looks like.

It seems the popular idea of the day is that a woman should value herself greatly because God values her greatly...He is "captivated" by her as the title of a popular book suggests.

The damage that this type of theology and thinking does to a woman and her marriage is impossible to understate!  There are so many marital issues that result from a woman finding her value and worth from the idea that God is mesmerized by her.

Rather than fleshing this out myself, I am posting a link to a conference sermon by John Piper on the issue.  He says it better than I ever could.  Click here

Husbands, you have been called

You may or may not know, but I was a Pastor of a church in Indiana for a short time.  After about a year or so I left the pastoral and am not sure if I will ever return.  My time in Madison IN was incredibly difficult, but that is not why I left.  In the end, it was a severe mercy that God led me through in understanding what it meant to be "called" to preach the word.

In the midst of the head Pastor leaving almost as soon as I got there (completely unexpected), the Holy Spirit  allowed me to feel something I had not even really thought of before, I am embarrassed to say.  I felt the weightiness of the call.  The weightiness that comes upon every Pastor who knows that he has been called by God and will one day give an account in two main overarching ways:

1.  Guard the good deposit....preach the word in truth, and all that entails.

2.  Shepherd the flock and all that entails.

I cannot overstate how massive and weighty and impossible (who is sufficient for these things?) it is to do this apart from the mercy and grace of God.  I also cannot go without pleading that you pray for your Pastors.  Pray for them constantly! Under their gentle and loving smile is a constant awareness that they are in a war and are doing battle, in the strength and mercy and grace of God for His word and your souls.

But that is not what I ultimately am writing about, so I want to move on.

Husbands you should feel the same, if not greater, weight of the call you have received to love your wife.


This truth almost knocked me over this morning in my quiet time.  It's amazing how you can know something to be true in your head, and if someone were to ever ask you about it agree without shock and with certainty.  And then God allows you to feel the glorious weight of its truth as you stand before Him and He charges you with it.

Let me flesh this out, primarily from Ephesians 5:25-33 and 2 Timothy 4:1-5.  Second Timothy 4 was the passage my dear brother in Christ David Kizziah preached at my ordination.  It is a great text for that occasion because it charges a man, before Christ and the church, to fulfill the two duties I mentioned above.

Ephesians 5 is the same charge placed upon every husband in his duty to love his wife as Christ loved the church.

Men, you are called by God to love your wives in such a way as to put Christ on display in the way He has loved and continues to love His church.  This love is sacrificial, sanctifying and Christ-centered....John Piper says it like this:

Husbands are told to love their wives the way Christ loved the church. How did he love the church? "He gave himself up for her." But why? "That he might sanctify and cleanse her." But why did he want to do that? "That he might present the church to himself in splendor"!-Desiring God

You are responsible to love your wife in such a way, that is sacrificial to yourself, for the sake of her sanctification.  You entered into this covenant when you read your vows, the Pastor asked you those very important questions, before God and in the presence of many witnesses, and you said "I do."

Oh, if I would have felt the weightiness of those two words as I said them!!!!  I knew it to be true, I knew what I was doing, but didn't feel the weight and responsibility of it before God.  I knew it, but I didn't know it!  Do you know what I mean?

Men, we are flawed and weak and with Paul as he faces the weight of his call will certainly say with ours..."who is sufficient for these things?"  Love my wife, but not as I know how to, but as Jesus loved the church!?!?!  How often I fail and in so many ways.

This will take mammoth amounts of grace, prayer, mercy and abiding in Christ!

What this looks like would take too much for this post, but let me at least say this:  Fight for your marriage.  Parish the thought of ever leaving or divorcing your wife, you are not permitted to do it, you can never be at peace with it.  God will hold you accountable.

If you are struggling now to love your wife and feel like it is impossible to love her, you very much know the "who is sufficient for these things?" aspect of what I am saying.  Please know that Christ is sufficient.  Christ has never and will never fail in His love for His bride, the church.  If you are in Christ, then your weakness is replaced with His strength, your inability to love is replaced by His ability, your insufficiency is replaced with His perfect sufficiency.  His love is in you to love your wife with.  And His love NEVER fails (1 Corinthians 13.)

Spank them well...con't

A short follow up on my most recent post in regards to spanking as a form of loving discipline.

In my opinion the goal of spanking or any form of discipline for that matter is to point your children to the fact that they are born in sin, under the headship of Adam (Romans 5:12).  Their nature is one of sin and rebellion and this will be expressed more and more without the intervention of God's grace, causing the "washing of regeneration."

One of the weightiest desires of heart is to hear John Mark and Amelia say to me "dad, why can't I seem to get it right...why can't I obey."  In the same way that God established the Law to create an awareness of sin, we need to discipline from the same motivation of heart.  If I do that, then when John Mark asks me why he can't seem to obey, then I can explain to him why when sin increases, grace increases all the more
(Romans 5:20)!

For myself, I know that there is rarely a day in which I have disciplined my kids, that I do not feel the twinge of shame knowing that I have disobeyed God more that day than my kids have disobeyed me.  If you have shared that same experience, it is helpful to remember that we are God's children and that He disciplines those He loves.

⁵ And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
    nor be weary when reproved by him.
⁶ For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and chastises every son whom he receives.”

⁷ It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? ⁸ If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. ⁹ Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? ¹⁰ For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. ¹¹  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.  Hebrews 12:5-11

Spank them well

In an article today posted by Yahoo!, the author explains how research points to a link between spanking and mental illness.

In a Psych class at UF while studying statistics we were taught, with tongue planted firmly in cheek, that 66%    of statistics will say whatever you want them to say.  I think this is clearly the case in study such as this one.

Lots of scary statistics were thrown around along with the scary psych buzz words such as depression, mania and drug abuse.  They even managed to throw in a slight to God's word with a cute little twist on a saying about the "rod."

In an attempt to spare the further "wussification" of America, we have got to wake up and realize that the true damage we are doing to children is by not disciplining them.  This article is talking about spanking....it is at this point that a distinction must be clearly made in spanking that is constructive and spanking that is potentially damaging.

The difference is in discipline vs. punishing in anger.  Discipline is constructive and godly and is to be done from a heart of love, a love that is clear to the child because the reason and goal of the discipline is clearly explained.  Also, while discipline often comes in the form of spanking (when age appropriate) it can come in other forms as well.

Punishment in anger is detrimental to the overall health of a child...mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.  The issue is the heart of anger that accompanies it.  This form of "punishment" can come in the form of spanking, but can come in other forms as well.

Parents, lets be clear.  Spanking does not hurt or damage your children.  It is any form of punishment, corporal or otherwise, that is done from a heart of anger....that's what screws your kids up.

God's word is clear "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him" (Proverbs 13:24).